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Our Top 5 Stag Do Traditions

So here’s my blog on ‘Stag Do Traditions’ or as I like to refer ‘The Blog Bible of Rules’ because let’s face it, hand on heart who can honestly say they have been on a stag weekend which has turned out to be just your standard weekend away? Unless you simply can’t remember a single thing (in that case I salute you!) there will always be tales more magical than those which come out of Hogwarts that you can pass on to a future generation of stags! Traditions have to be followed for you to officially announce you’ve been on a ‘proper stag do’!
Please note don’t make the school boy error of reading the first part of this blog in the presence of your better half – if you have its guaranteed by now she will be giving you the “we need to talk” eyes whilst preparing Jeremy Kyle interrogation questions to run past you. Let me make it very clear that it’s not just the tales about yourself you should keep quiet! If one of the lads does a ‘Wayne Rooney’ and knocks off with an OAP… you won’t want to be sharing that, it is for certain you will get tarred with the same brush…. Not something dropped easily.  
Pay close attention, take note and don’t ever forget these key points. Not only will they ensure you have a barrel of laughs, they could also save future possible heartaches, friendships, relationships and even your dignity (if you have any left after the weekend!)

Keep quiet!

“What happens on tour stays on tour”, the most important stag tradition of all. In fact more powerful than any religion to date! This rule will never go away, fact! It’s so powerful that it doesn’t need explanation – and by this I mean it’s something that should naturally be in every lads DNA! To understand the logic – my advice would be to repeat these words in your head over and over again in preparation for when you return from your stag weekend and you’re being questioned by the missus “I don’t remember”, “I don’t know what you’re on about”, “I can’t recall that sorry” you get my drift…

Stay of your phone!

The wonderful world of technology has sadly turned some of us men into selfie pouting self-obsessed posers who would make even Louis Spence come across as Jason Statham! It’s not on lads - we are men! Even your older, more experienced stag pros have fallen into this trap. I’m talking about guys who have been on more stag weekends than they have had hot dinners – are falling into this bad habit! So chaps, regarding phones as a whole, please:

  • Stop uploading a selfie every 20 minutes on your social networking page to show everyone that you’re having such a great time (that’s why your constantly on your phone!?)
  • Wash any thumb print you may have off your forehead and stop worrying about texting the missus back within a 10 minute time slot … she will survive.
  • Don’t ring people when you’re drunk, possibly calling an ex you haven’t spoken to in donkeys years to declare your undying love…. Not cool.

Verbally rip into each other!

What I mean by this is good old traditional ‘lads banter!’ No holding back! Tell it how it is! A few examples of these would be:

  • Tell ‘Dave’ that the postman is round his house as you speak paying his wife a visit, along with the milkman, both at the same time!
  • Break the news to the lads in the group who are single and are on the ‘pull’  that the only thing they’ll be pulling that weekend is a door handle
  • Find the guy with the smallest manhood and ridicule him non-stop until you finally see a tear in the corner of his eye appear
  • Pick out the lad with the worst physique and remind him that he has more rolls then Greggs

Now for some of you stag virgins who may interpret this for bullying, let me ensure you this is not! In the stag environment this is known as therapy! Think of it as mental conditioning – you will become head strong; allowing you to keep up with the pace long into the early hours!

Gentlemen’s clubs will be visited!

Visiting a Gentlemen’s club on a stag weekend is just as normal as walking into your local supermarket. If you’ve been on a stag weekend and have not visited one then you’ve simply just been on a bog standard ‘weekend away’. Its tradition for you to get slightly more than merry, walk into the venue, stare at women (as if you’ve just awoke from a 30 year coma) and giggle with at the sight of breast like you are discovering page 3 for the first time! Some of you may even be so passed it, that when approached by a stripper you will completely forget their flirting is for commission and have a genuinely belief that they are offering you a private dance because they are head of heels in love with you! In fact he’s thinking the only reason he is handing over money to her is so she can put it into a joint bank account (as you are saving up to buy your first house together) obviously.

The stag will be dressed as a fine looking women

This is the only time in a bloke’s life that if you refuse to dress up in women’s clothing you are deemed to not be a proper ‘man’. This is why all men on their stag weekends will transform into Lilly Savage and give even Alex Reid a run for his money. For most blokes, their appearance will resemble that of Pat Butcher (God rest her soul). You will be seen as the Queen of the stags –you’re your responsibility is to lead the troops into an all drinking, all dancing, stag do battle!

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